Should you write your own Wedding Vows?
There are so many possibilities for your wedding vows. Many couples opt for a tried and tested approach, using something like the following:
I, X, in the presence of God/ those gathered here
take you, Y, to be my husband / wife:
to have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
so long as we both shall live.
All this I vow and promise.
Others are looking for a way to personalise the promises they make to each other and sometimes spend many hours searching for alternatives.
For those who have the time and inclination, the experience of writing your own wedding vows can be very rewarding and may bring you even closer together, as you carefully consider what you will be saying to each other on your special day.
Apart from any cultural and/ or religious requirements, which you may need to clarify, there is nothing to stop you from writing your own wedding vows. The vows themselves are the only essential part of the ceremony; they are where you make the necessary statement regarding your intentions; that is, your life-long commitment to your partner. Beyond this component you are free to make promises, and to highlight aspects of your relationship in your personally created message.
How to get started:
You need to decide whether you will share your vows, or make individual statements. If you opt to make individual vows you need to think carefully about whether you want to be surprised on the day, or whether you’re more comfortable knowing what to expect. But the process of writing is the same.
You might want to consider some of the following questions to get you started:
- What does marriage mean to you?
- What’s the best analogy you can think of for your relationship? Is it a journey? An adventure? A triumph? Or maybe a Roller Coaster!
- Is your relationship a wonderful surprise or was it always meant to be?
- What are the shared values that make your partnership strong?
- How does your partner enrich your life?
- How will being married change your view of the world?
- How will your marriage support you in becoming who you want to be?
- How will you honour your partner to ensure that through your marriage, they will continue to grow?
These questions are designed to get you thinking broadly about how you see your relationship. The most important thing about your wedding vows is that they really represent who you are and how you feel.
So take this opportunity to make promises that really mean something to your partner too. Your vows are not about pleasing other people. If you want to promise to “never leave the toilet seat up” or to “always share the housework” then go for it. These are the kinds of genuine and honest statements that make your ceremony meaningful, and if they raise a smile among your guests, all the better. This is your day to say what you want, to each other. Writing your own wedding vows, especially if you do it together can be a joyful, funny and intimate experience that may just become part of some of the happiest memories of your life.